I am starting a new Building Healthy Relationships training group on Monday evenings beginning April 25, 2011. The group will meet from 7:00 until 9:00 and will run for eight weeks taking a break for Memorial Day and ending June 20.
What is it for?
For all of us, the most precious aspect of our lives is our relationships with others. Spouse, children, parents, family…these are the things that matter most to us. As important as our health may be to us, study after study has shown that having quality relationships lowers blood pressure, lowers cortisol (a hormone associated with stress), and stabilizes blood sugar, which results in slower aging and longer life.
While relationships are precious and we all have them, some people are better at forming deep and durable relationships than are others. There are skills we can learn to help us make better choices in our significant relationships.
Who is it for?
While the Building Healthy Relationships material is valuable for everyone, our experience is that one learns it best when in a supportive and safe group. One important aspect of such a group is that it be one in which each member feels they have a lot in common with the other members. In this case all of the group members will be professional men. If you are interested in the training but do not identify yourself this way, just let us know and we will try to find a group that will work for you.
How can I learn more?
The first step is to attend a free introduction which is offered on the second Sunday of each month. The next one is April 10 from 6:30 – 8:30. To register simply follow the links on the web site at www.CreativeConflictResolution.org/bhr/ or go directly to the event page at http://www.trumba.com/calendars/cccr?trumbaEmbed=eventid%3D90677611%26view%3Devent%26-childview%3D and click the words Sign Up.
If you are not able to attend the Sunday evening preview and want to learn more or join the group, just contact me at 314-853-9385 (mobile) or at MLRobinson@charter.net.
Dr. Mark Lee Robinson
Center for Creative Conflict Resolution
Friday, March 18, 2011
Monday, February 28, 2011
Preview of the Building Healthy Relationships class
I have recently revised the Building Healthy Relationships class to make it shorter and less expensive. This makes it more affordable but it also gets students up and running faster with the material.
The core of the class is the observation that our relationships have depth and durability to the extent that we are able to name, address, and resolve the conflicts which arise within them. We tend to see the same conflicts arise again and again, so it is important to note that resolving a conflict doesn’t mean that it won’t arise again. It means that each time it arises we get better and better at addressing it such that we create what we and others need without expecting them to change. As we do so, we find our relationships become safer and more satisfying.
Those interested in what the program has to offer can attend a free introduction. The preview is presented each month on the second Sunday evening from 6:30-8:30. The next preview will be March 13. Details are available here.
Who is the class for?
Virtually anyone will find the class helpful, but most take the class to get specific help for addressing persistent conflicts in significant relationships. The class addresses such things as
· how we choose to act when we are flooded with feelings (anger management),
· how to address issues without starting a fight,
· how to become more aware of our own needs, and
· how to create and repair agreements.
Is it for couples?
Couples may want to come to the preview together but I recommend they take the class separately. If they want to work on the material together we can set up a separate program. In the class it is important to be free to share whatever is going on for you without having to be careful what you say in front of your partner.
How long?
The class meets for two hours once a week for eight weeks.
How much?
The cost is $250 per person.
When?
The next class will meet on Thursday evenings from 7-9 and will start when we have eight people signed up.
The core of the class is the observation that our relationships have depth and durability to the extent that we are able to name, address, and resolve the conflicts which arise within them. We tend to see the same conflicts arise again and again, so it is important to note that resolving a conflict doesn’t mean that it won’t arise again. It means that each time it arises we get better and better at addressing it such that we create what we and others need without expecting them to change. As we do so, we find our relationships become safer and more satisfying.
Those interested in what the program has to offer can attend a free introduction. The preview is presented each month on the second Sunday evening from 6:30-8:30. The next preview will be March 13. Details are available here.
Who is the class for?
Virtually anyone will find the class helpful, but most take the class to get specific help for addressing persistent conflicts in significant relationships. The class addresses such things as
· how we choose to act when we are flooded with feelings (anger management),
· how to address issues without starting a fight,
· how to become more aware of our own needs, and
· how to create and repair agreements.
Is it for couples?
Couples may want to come to the preview together but I recommend they take the class separately. If they want to work on the material together we can set up a separate program. In the class it is important to be free to share whatever is going on for you without having to be careful what you say in front of your partner.
How long?
The class meets for two hours once a week for eight weeks.
How much?
The cost is $250 per person.
When?
The next class will meet on Thursday evenings from 7-9 and will start when we have eight people signed up.
Friday, February 25, 2011
More about ‘complexity hierarchy and values hierarchy’
Because we are politically correct liberals we know that hierarchies are bad. Everyone is equal to everyone else and to put someone above someone else is bad. [From a philosophical perspective this is an example of a performative contradiction. The position contradicts itself. If all formulations which say that one item is better than another item are bad, then the formulation that states that all items are equal is better than all others, thus, itself being bad.]
The distinction to be made here is between hierarchies of valuing and hierarchies of complexity. An example of a valuing hierarchy is that the paler your skin the more value you have as a person. A recent program on Harlem pointed out that the Cotton Club only hired au lait blacks. Darker skinned persons weren’t acceptable. We find such hierarchies to be unacceptable.
Our vignette about Jack and Jesse and the juice glass is an example of a complexity hierarchy. [Just Conflict, page 90-91] Jack can think in three dimensions and so knows that the short squat glass holds more juice. Jesse only knows amount in two dimensions and so thinks the tall thin glass holds more. Jack’s way of judging amount is objectively superior to Jesse’s. But that doesn’t mean that Jack is better than Jesse. He is only more mature.
We are watching what is happening in Libya. We know that Kaddafi is on his way out. We are worried about what will follow. We are worried that the country will descend into tribal warfare.
There is a developmental sequence we all move through with regard to the circle of our care and concern. We are necessarily self-centered when we are young. Then we move to being more centered in our families, or our community, or our tribe. We may be ethnocentric, or species centric or even cosmos centric. A wider scope of concern is more complicated but more mature.
We are pleased to see that, at least in eastern Libya, the mood of those who oppose Kaddafi is to work together without regard for tribalism. They are committed to a unified and free Libya. Despite economic and educational deprivation, the revolutionaries are showing great maturity. Their way of constructing relationships is more mature, and thus more complex but effective, than is the way Kaddafi has been constructing relationships. We may have a judgment that Kaddafi is a bad person, but it is objectively true that his way of constructing society is less stable and just than a democracy would be.
The distinction to be made here is between hierarchies of valuing and hierarchies of complexity. An example of a valuing hierarchy is that the paler your skin the more value you have as a person. A recent program on Harlem pointed out that the Cotton Club only hired au lait blacks. Darker skinned persons weren’t acceptable. We find such hierarchies to be unacceptable.
Our vignette about Jack and Jesse and the juice glass is an example of a complexity hierarchy. [Just Conflict, page 90-91] Jack can think in three dimensions and so knows that the short squat glass holds more juice. Jesse only knows amount in two dimensions and so thinks the tall thin glass holds more. Jack’s way of judging amount is objectively superior to Jesse’s. But that doesn’t mean that Jack is better than Jesse. He is only more mature.
We are watching what is happening in Libya. We know that Kaddafi is on his way out. We are worried about what will follow. We are worried that the country will descend into tribal warfare.
There is a developmental sequence we all move through with regard to the circle of our care and concern. We are necessarily self-centered when we are young. Then we move to being more centered in our families, or our community, or our tribe. We may be ethnocentric, or species centric or even cosmos centric. A wider scope of concern is more complicated but more mature.
We are pleased to see that, at least in eastern Libya, the mood of those who oppose Kaddafi is to work together without regard for tribalism. They are committed to a unified and free Libya. Despite economic and educational deprivation, the revolutionaries are showing great maturity. Their way of constructing relationships is more mature, and thus more complex but effective, than is the way Kaddafi has been constructing relationships. We may have a judgment that Kaddafi is a bad person, but it is objectively true that his way of constructing society is less stable and just than a democracy would be.
Tuesday, January 04, 2011
Shortened training in CCR
For more than 30 years I have worked doing group and individual therapy with people experiencing difficulties in establishing and maintaining safe and satisfying intimate relationships. Early on in my career I noticed that my clients identified many of the same problems. I began to look for the best ways to name and address the issues they showed me. As a result I developed a collection of short teaching modules that addressed the most common and urgent issues.
In the early 90's I had occasion to pull together these bits and pieces into a twelve-week class. Over the years I came to refer to the whole collection as Creative Conflict Resolution and the class itself as Building Healthy Relationships. The class changed a bit from time to time. I have always added new segments and tweaked the sequence of presentation.
Last year I pulled together the many parts and published them in a book called Just Conflict: Transformation through Resolution. I admit it is a bit dense.
In the year that has followed I have had a chance to step back from all of the material and have worked at finding a simple path through the forest of ideas and practices. The result is a paired down presentation that takes about fifteen hours to work through.
The Center for Creative Conflict Resolution is offering this training as the eight-week Building Healthy Relationships class or the week-end long Reconciliation Workshop. Either format has advantages and disadvantages. Both take the participant through a process of identifying a specific persistent pattern of conflict in a significant relationship and discovering what the participant can confidently do that will create what the participant needs in the context of the conflict without expecting or depending upon the other's change.
Both the eight-week class and the week-end workshop start at the same place. Each month on the second Sunday, I offer a free introduction to the material. I call it "What is Creative Conflict Resolution?" To learn more or to register online, go to the web site and the find the calendar in the sidebar on the right. Select the date of the introduction you want to attend. You will find details there about time and place. You may register online by following the prompts.
Mastering Family Stress
A couple of days before Christmas, Neal Conan of NPR's Talk of the Nation had a conversation with syndicated columnist Amy Dickinson (Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune) about the difficulties of having holidays with family members we don't get along with. Her advice mostly reduced to having a plan for how to engage in polite conversation which avoided the sources of tension in the relationship.
As the holidays come to a close it is time to start preparing for next year. With some attention to the issues we can approach conflicts with family and friends with confidence that whatever topics come up in the conversation we can handle ourselves and the relationship in a manner that creates peace in our world.
One way to hone your skills is to take the Building Healthy Relationships class or the Reconciliation Workshop from the Center for Creative Conflict Resolution. If you or anyone you know might be interested in becoming more masterful at naming, addressing, and resolving conflict, come to one of the free introductions. They are offered on the second Sunday evening of each month. Simply go to the web site and the find the calendar in the sidebar on the right. Select the date of the introduction you want to attend. They are entitled “What is Creative Conflict Resolution?” You will find details there about time and place. You may register online by following the prompts.
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