A "fight" is a way of addressing a conflict in which the outcome is determined by the ability of one party to make another party lose. Many games are thus a kind of fight. The "winner" is the one who loses the least...who makes the other lose more.
This is fine for some kinds of games. But when the playing field is an intimate relationship, the relationship loses.
In many intimate relationships, when a conflict arises, the impulse is to fight. When the parties fight, they make each other lose. They are successful. Each becomes a loser and the relationship is the poorer for it.
When the parties to the relationship recognize they are fighting and stop, they at least quit doing harm. But they are often afraid that if they don't fight, they will lose. The core issue becomes each party's ability to not fight without feeling like a loser.
Many believe they cannot stop a fight on their own. "What if the other doesn't stop?" they ask, as though it is obvious that the only thing they can do is to fight back. To be sure, there are things we can do that will address the conflict which are not a form of fight. These things are far more effective but they can be hard to find and do when we are "in the heat of battle."
But none of the more effective things will occur to us when we are still fighting. If you don't want to be a loser, stop fighting.
